Gone are the days where I would make overtly emotional blog posts, especially ones reminiscent of my high school days. However, I need to address a few issues, but I’m going attempt to keep this post as far away as possible from being a rant or a cry for attention.
To say I had a rough childhood would be clear usage of hyperbole. Even though I did get bullied I enjoyed the times spent with my sister exploring our apartment complex and going to the 99 cent store nearly every day. But growing up in a less than stellar environment made me dependent on the television as my primary source of entertainment. As a result I was deeply entrenched in the ideas projected upon the television set of love, fairy tales, happy endings, and stories that made me largely idealistic about the world in which I lived.
At the present stage in my life, I don’t think I can believe in fairy tales anymore. It has dawned on me that I have developed misconceptions of the world based solely on the social constructions provided to me by the media as a whole. I kind of already realized the way I turned out is largely reflective of what I saw projected in the media, while simultaneously all this information was reinforced to me with my Communications courses at UCSD. In other words, NURTURE has turned me into who I am today.
But media and television is a fantasy. Everything we see projected in the media has a happy resolution, but the world itself is in a continuous state of chaos. With endless wars in the Middle East, third world nations stricken with poverty, families broken apart by divorce, and endless accounts of suffering, it’s hard to believe in a happy ending.
If I’m going to attempt to redefine my morality this year, I will do the same philosophically in my understanding of the world. And so, I’ve reached the turning point. I’ve always had a hopeless-romantic type identity yearning for the discovery of “the one”. At the same time, I have consistently been disappointed. I never thought my exes were “the one” for me, and I never really learn from my mistakes until it is literally too late. I can’t believe in the existence of “the one” anymore, and I can’t believe in “happy endings” anymore because it is holding me back from a greater potential. I think it’s time to move on from childhood fantasies about the world into a more objective understanding of the world. To evolve into the person I was destined to become, I shall forever let go of the past which is indefinitely holding me back. I will remain optimistic, but no longer idealistic about the world in which I live – striving for happiness on a day to day basis, rather than seeking it in an unrealistic future.
