With it being a new quarter, and even more so a new year, I figured it was time for a change. My reliance on girls for happiness pushed me into a depressed mood that I thought I couldn’t get out. I knew it would be an uphill battle, but at the same time I knew I had to push towards happiness.
With a ridiculous list of New Years Resolutions being made for 2010, one of them included the task “not to chase girls”. This proved to be a tough endeavor, while at the same time increasingly annoying. I had to make sure I didn’t get too close to any girl, because I didn’t want to chase them. Chasing girls put me in the depressed state I was in, so I figured the only way to get out of it was to stop the chase, indefinitely. This proved to be too difficult, as I created too many restrictions on myself, ultimately binding my happiness to a fixed state. I was now, if anything, indifferent to life and all that was around me, and I figured chasing girls would be one of the last things I would want on my mind at the time. Still, I tried my best to cope through, and subsequently made many new friends.
At this point, hang outs with my apartment-mates + Alexis (as a result of being attached to Leandro) were frequent. We went to Pho & Wal-Mart nearly every other week, played lots of board games in the form of Risk, Loaded Questions, and Bang, and also even engaged in watching an entire season of 24 together. I knew in that arena, there was still a deep source of happiness, but still I needed more. With the floor family not nearly hanging out at all anymore, I figured I had lost a ton of the closet friends I’ve made the previous year. It just goes to show you when you make a relationship based on distance and not on anything actually worthwhile, those bonds are more likely to break. With Chou nearly being gone all quarter due to being at Joyce’s place (I passive aggressively sent a message to Joyce telling her to stop coming over so often), I knew it was time to make some new friends.
Where did I find these friends? Programming at Warren. With my initial decision to hang out with Kunal and Tyler first, it eventually blossomed to hanging out with Lauren – and then Alex – and then everyone in PAW. The eventual closeness of the PAW clique derived from the fun times we shared together on Spirit Night. After the big game, we all chilled at Alex’s place playing a ton of boardgames. It was at that point I realized I needed more than just my apartment-mates. Sure, they were great and all, but I learn more from being around different people, and not just the same people all the time. With them as a new group of friends, I also played boardgames with some girls from 500 + Maya in Tyler’s neighboring apartment. These friends helped distract me from chasing girls, and being so depressed and moody all the time.
Still, I realized by the end of the quarter I was still NOT happy. There was still some drama in my apartment derived from Joyce’s created mess, Chou’s not cleaning it, and Torre’s parents unhappy to see the apartment literally smelling like crap. I didn’t know what to do at that point, and I was so distraught by it. I went to church nearly every other week in an effort to try to escape the drama, and to see if being spiritual could help cure my happiness. It didn’t.
Further rejections helped to bring back my insecurities as I was ultimately rejected by almost everything I applied to: Camp Kesem, Student Health Advocates, and the final blow of Warren res-life rejecting me to be a Resident Advisor. By that point I didn’t know who I was going to live with, what I was going to do, and how I was going to be happy. Leandro, Torres, and Howard had all decided to live together at that point, and I didn’t want to make them feel like I was settling for them by living with them (because I was so sure I was going to get R.A.), so I didn’t even bother to ask. I was too afraid they would think of me as using them. Now, stuck with NO Housing, NO Future, and NO girls, I figured my life was still too depressing for words. I ended my New Years’ Resolution of not chasing girls and figured next quarter would be time for a new change.
UCSD, Sophomore Year Winter Quarter 2010
January 8th, 2010 @ 5:37 PM: Winter Quarter ’10 Week 1 Updates
January 15th, 2010 @ 4:58 PM: Winter Quarter ’10 Week 2 Updates
January 22nd, 2010 @ 4:55 PM: Winter Quarter ’10 Week 3 Updates
January 29th, 2010 @ 5:38 PM: Winter Quarter ’10 Week 4 Updates
February 5th, 2010 @ 3:17 PM: Winter Quarter ’10 Week 5 Updates
February 12th, 2010 @ 4:49 PM: Winter Quarter ’10 Week 6 Updates
February 12th, 2010 @ 9:50 PM: My Mood
February 19th, 2010 @ 4:55 PM: Winter Quarter ’10 Week 7 Updates
February 26th, 2010 @ 3:24 PM: Winter Quarter ’10 Week 8 Updates
March 5th, 2010 @ 5:31 PM: Winter Quarter ’10 Week 9 Updates
March 12th, 2010 @ 2:53 PM: Winter Quarter ’10 Week 10 Updates
March 20th, 2010 @ 11:04 PM: Finals Week
March 28th, 2010 @ 11:12 PM: Spring Break 2010
