2012 was a roller coaster year of emotions, events, and memories that I will carry with me the rest of my days on this planet. I learned more from the experiences of life than from the classroom this year, namely in the post-trauma that comes with a breakup, the sadness that comes from letting go (BYE SAN DIEGO), and the memories that come with a new experience, and inevitably a new school.
January: By far the roughest month in my life, due to the pain of having to deal with a breakup, and the pain of having to rekindle all my previous relationships with friends I lost touch with. Thank goodness I made the right friends though because without them, I never would have survived that terrible ordeal. The late nights of listening to “Without You” and “Not Over You” alone in my room still haunt me, and yet I can look back and say I’m gotten past that phase in my life. Emo Music, TRUE friends, and sadly alcohol got me through this month.
February: And although I was getting better in the emotional department, I still had relatively sane concerns about the direction my future was headed. In other words, I was physically at a crossroads, and I needed to inevitably make the decision that teaching was in my future, and that it was the only mechanism by which to full the void that consumed my very soul. At the same time I tried my best to distract my perpetual loneliness with religion, politics, and new organizations, which all in the long run failed (except maybe the Ron Paul Revolution).
March: As far as ups and downs came, I had plenty. And even though I was kind of over the breakup, there were nights where I felt the return of the loneliness, and the return of the memories of 2011. But I was trapped, and I needed an escape – and the road to freedom was inevitably the path I took to reach that said destination. A short Spring Break kind of healed me, but being back in San Diego kind of rekindled the old emotional baggage that was a part of me at the time.
April: This was truly the first great month of 2012, mostly because I had allowed myself the opportunity to move on. Sadness no longer emitted because of my breakup, but instead because of other insecurities, which just so happen to have already been there prior to the relationship in the first place. My friends were great this month as I was allowed the opportunity to get even closer to them despite my carelessness in the past in maintaining these said fellowships.
May: This month came, and so did Ron Paul. And though this was a milestone event, so was my last “official” SunGod, a new computer, the last “Glee Party” at my apartment, and the same everlasting friendships that got me through my remaining college days.
June: And yet, it was time to graduate, and I had just gotten used to the idea of being happy in San Diego. My friends and I were about to embark upon new journeys and carry our life experiences into the future (although at this point most of them remained at UCSD for either a 4th or 5th year). And goodbyes are difficult, because I would have to leave the final day of the month to continue my life journey back at the place I left for four years. Thank God I had some time to adjust.
July: And so, I missed San Diego, partially because of the people, and partially because of the memories. At the same time I was now the proud owner of a car, I was able to successfully rekindle old bonds with my high school friends, and I slowly transitioned away from the dependency of the past, as my eyes were solely now invested in the future.
August: And in the end, it was worth it, as I spent a majority of this month studying for one of the CSET’s. Being poor largely resulted in my inability to go out and socialize as much, but I eventually ended the month starting my part-time job at Loara High School, working for the Anaheim YMCA. It’s a relatively stable job, and I love talking to the high school students there. At the same time, I began my career at Cal State Fullerton, although sadly not really making friends my first week.
September: And so this month came, and I largely invested in various organizations at Cal State Fullerton in an effort for some self-progress and to obviously make some new friends. The best club by far I joined was Circle K, mostly because everybody in the club was so welcoming, and that the club’s mission statement was by far the most positive (and useful). And though classes be easy, parking was a struggle, as I quickly adapted to the welcoming ease of the semester system.
October: Even though the workload increased this month, I was not stressed at all. In the end I was able to increase my relative happiness within CSUF with the formation of the Quack Pack, as well as getting closer to all the other members of Circle K. I maintained an appropriate balance between my high school friends, my family friends, and my Cal State Fullerton friends at the same time.
November: And so, the months consistently got better. I visited San Diego twice, and I realized the emotional pain of the starting months of 2012 was gone. I was no longer filled with regret, and no longer filled with sadness being in San Diego. Instead, I got to see my friends, and we got to rekindle those old flames that I hope will NEVER die out. At the same time, I increased my participation in Circle K socializing activities as our friendships grew to a whole new level.
December: Spending times with family and friends should teach me a valuable life lesson, that you should appreciate the simple things in life. Sometimes we are so preoccupied with what we don’t have that we fail to see all the great things that are apparent in our lives, in the form of family and friends.
To summarize, the transition from a college breakup to the end of college was rather depressing and left me quite lonely. However, with the start of the pre-reqs for Cal State Fullerton’s credential program combined with my investment in Circle K, the fresh start I needed found me by the end of the year.
The top movie of the year was the Avengers. The top song of the year was “Somebody that I used To know”. The author of that song was somebody I used to know, but sadly was only a one-hit wonder.
